Night Three of the Deathwalkers

You invite someone to your home, he drops his pants and shits on the new carpet, what are you to do?

That's what Ted Cruz did to Donald Trump last night. In a primetime address that lasted over twenty minutes Cruz did not endorse Trump or say he was the man for the job and ended with vote your conscience. The speech itself was a recitation of untrue Cruziness preparing himself for 2020. Cruz believes that Trump is going to lose and as the man who came closest to defeating him, he will be turned to after November to lead an American Shadow Cabinet against the Clinton Administration. He is of course deluding himself however, stranger things have happened, such as Trump for President.

Newt Gingrich tried to mend the fences over Cruz when he spoke and then proceeded to scare the children with threats of nuclear holocaust on the East Coast.

Eric Trump gave a speech extolling the virtues of his father and thanked him for his life. I'm sure membership in the Trump lucky sperm club has it's advantages and he should say thank you.

On to the main event of the night, Vice- presidential nominee Mike Pence who privately has been reported to say Trump was completely unacceptable as the Republican nominee, took to the podium and did what all Hoosier politicians do, he put us to sleep. His speech was however one of the few standard convention speeches to take place this week. It had all the right marks, Jesus, the flag and killing our enemies. He continued the central theme of this year's Republican Convention, which is that America is going to hell and the fire of Hades is raining down as we speak. Ironically as all of these Chicken Littles do their best to frighten us they are all smiling and giggling, who knew Armageddon was so much fun.

This is the final day and the Master of Destruction himself will give his acceptance speech and lay out his plan for a glorious new America molded in his image.

I am positively giddy with anticipation!