A Better Nation...Part 1

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On April 14 I announced I would not be a candidate for President of the United States. In light of the rise of Donald Trump, that clearly was a mistake, as a gasbag of extremely aromatic fragrance I have a lot to offer. Oh well, it's too late to raise the money but I can still share some proposals to create a better nation.

1. Peanut Butter to be proclaimed our national food. Who doesn't feel better after a nice PB sandwich, it's hard not to smile.

2. All members of the U.S. Senate must wear a nice cardigan sweater when appearing on the floor to speak. You just can't be cranky when you're wrapped in a comfy old cardigan, it's like a million hugs all at once. The Senators will be happier and thoughtful.

3. All members of the U.S. House of Representatives must wear red vests to create a festive spirit of unity. Red vests are just plain fun and those poor souls need a boost.

4. All members of the House and Senate must smoke a pipe. Pipe smokers are thoughtful and reflective. Members can pause to light their pipe before saying something stupid, I think we would all appreciate that.

Hey, are you listening? What has  16 mouths but can't be heard? Donald Trumps Republican opponents!

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